aididitmyway | sweet suite inbox

[She... is going to let him do his thing in private or semi-private which is not her being there but like.

She's going to worry anyway.]

[after an hour or so:]

Sorry.

don't apologize
are you doing better now?

Recovering. Are you okay?

i'm fine
i was worried about you

[we're not going to talk about how her anxiety hella spiked and ruined her ability to do anything useful while he was handling his panic attack]

When aren't you?

[there's a lot of Aqua is writing..., quiet, Aqua is writing..., quiet, happening before eventually]

You can come, just don't touch.

ok
i'm on my way

[and true to her word there's a knock on the door not too long after]

[did not even make it to his room, just more than halfway to his room from hers. taking slow, deep but jagged breaths]

Sorry . . .

Edited 2023-08-25 03:55 (UTC)

[then! she stumbles over him in the hallway. she slides down the wall to take a seat next to him, but leaving room]

... Didn't I tell you not to apologize?

Maybe, I'm apologizing to myself.

[said halfhearted, still shifting away from her with the distance]

I can't explain it. I know the vague outlines, but it just comes up.

[resting her chin on her knees]

What are the vague outlines, then? Is there anything I can do?

Director always said it was when I was caught in a scene, becoming emotional, that this came . . .

For me, it's when I forget.

[shifting his position to try to loosen up]

Not touching and not pushing help. I could try exposure therapy, but I'd probably run us both raw.

... I'm sorry.

[Hmm. She takes a moment to think things over.]

Is that why you didn't want me hugging you earlier until you said I could?

For what? I was the one who pushed it.

Kind of.

Because I don't know how to help you? I didn't see it soon enough?

[Because she didn't realize what was happening??? She sighs.]

I wish I knew how to fix it for you.

Fixing it would mean telling anyone about this. Only Director and then Akane and Kana knew, and I didn't even mean for them to. I kept it from you and Miyako for a reason.

We only want what's best for you, Aqua. Or to try to do what's best for you. Because this isn't... ignoring it and not telling anyone isn't going to help you.

You were still upset from everything, and Miyako was dealing with us and Ichigo. I just wanted to get back to something normal.

You wanted something normally, but you sacrificed yourself. You didn't have to do that for me or Miyako.

It wasn't just for you two. I wanted to move on. I was tired of it all.

Is living like this actually moving on, though?

What am I supposed to do? Go back to that time, go through therapy, and everything would be fine?

I know you can't really go back in time or anything, but if you'd said something Miyako would've tried. Maybe there was something I could've done sooner.

It doesn't even mean everything would be fine... but you wouldn't have had to deal with it alone.

What if that was what I wanted, though? I wouldn't have said anything if we weren't here. I don't like how this affects you, and it hasn't even been a week of this.

It affects me because I care and I wish you'd care about yourself a little more sometimes. I can't make you.

Don't sacrifice yourself or your happiness for me, Aqua.

sweet suite inbox

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