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[aididitmyway]

please astral project here

it'll look pretty later

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[aididitmyway]

Oh. Sorry...

[she sighs, leaning against him heavily]

I just want you to be there, but I definitely couldn't see you. I looked everywhere. I wanted to see you happy.

[aiwillneversmile]

I was with our dad.

[aididitmyway]

You were... what?

[aiwillneversmile]

I'm sorry. I had to.

[aididitmyway]

Had to what?? Why are you apologizing—

[And then she sharply pulls back, staring him down.]

You didn't.

[aiwillneversmile]

He's dead. It's over.

1/2

[aididitmyway]

Cygnus, you—

[she has to stand up and take a few steps away for a moment because she has to process her emotions. it's not like she was a fan of their dad.]

[aididitmyway]

Why!? Don't you know what it means?? What if they find the body, what if you get thrown in jail, what if I can't see you—what happened to you!?

[aiwillneversmile]

He tried to kill you, Lyra. He wouldn't have stopped trying. And we can fix it here.

[aididitmyway]

But what are we fixing? The fact that you killed him??

[aiwillneversmile]

. . . That I died killing him.

[aididitmyway]

[she spins around, staring at him in disbelief as she tries to process the fact that he did something she specifically told him to never, ever do.]

[aiwillneversmile]

[will finally look up which is also what breaks him, instantly starting to tear up]

I'm sorry. I couldn't leave it alone, and I got scared—

[aididitmyway]

[Her eyes start welling up with tears, because she can't... help... but stare at him, still disbelieving even though he wouldn't say it if it weren't true. She knows better than that. He wouldn't say it to be cruel, especially when there's no point in that.]

So you killed him and you died!? You already know how I felt about that, I thought—I can't—

[aiwillneversmile]

[swiping his eyes while standing up]

Lyra, I had to.

[aididitmyway]

I—you idiot! Didn't I tell you to not!? I can't—

[She actually goes to rush out of the room, but stops herself at the door, scrubbing at her eyes.]

Even if we can fix it here, it doesn't change that you did it.

[aiwillneversmile]

It doesn't. I staged my own death, including stabbing myself, in order to kill him to protect you and your reputation. That's . . . That's just what I had to do.

[aididitmyway]

[after a moment, she turns back around and marches straight back at him... and slaps him.]

You said we would figure it out together! You said you'd try to not leave me! We're lucky we can fix it, but what if we couldn't!? Do you seriously think it's better that I try to live without you??

[aiwillneversmile]

[takes it while barely flinching since he knew what he was doing]

I lied . . . Because if the choice is between me and you, I'm always going to pick you.

[aididitmyway]

Did it have to be that night!? We're always together, there's no way he could've gotten just me! It's not fair to make that kind of decision without me!

I love you. I need you to care about you more.

[aiwillneversmile]

He tried before the concert. It was exactly the same as with mom. And I'm not always with you; you were touring around the country without me. Lyra, I had to.

[aididitmyway]

No, you didn't! Nothing's gonna justify killing yourself for me, Cygnus. I—I don't want to accept that. I need you to be alive. You promised we could handle dad together!

[aiwillneversmile]

We did. You forgave him. And if he hadn't tried anything, I would have left him alone. You were too kind, Lyra. He used that against you and mom. It had to stop.

[aididitmyway]

That doesn't count and you know it. You're not allowed to try to come up with a loophole to make your death okay.

[aiwillneversmile]

It counts and you know it. I died once because he sent someone when she was about to give birth, and then he did it again when she shared her address. And what about Yura?

. . . I don't want my life always connected to him! I just wanted him gone!